As we come upon the very last month of 2017, I find myself extremely reflective. This year has been a whirlwind – truly weird, for lack of a better word, in every way. There’s been a crazy amount unexpected highs and and so many unusual lows.
Life changed dramatically for me, personally, this year… new job, new purpose, and new daily grinds, a new season altogether. In October of 2016, I started taking my sweet little nephew for a few overnights throughout the week. He has been such a blessing and the reason behind lots of my happy days. Actually, I’m picking him up tomorrow and can’t wait! He’s at such a fun and busy age. He keeps us all on our toes, for sure, and has become a priority for all of us. I also began a new job at the end of 2016 at Saint Raphael Academy. What a blessing that’s been! The people are amazing, and they’ve been so, so, good to me. In 2017, Chris turned 40 & Gabriella graduated high school and started college. Chris and I were installed as youth directors at our church. He was brought on staff full time and I part time. I’ve been working two jobs since July, and woah has that been a testing of my faith and character! We also went down to ONE car this summer to save some money, and I feel like I spend more time in the car than in my house! Just last night, Chris lost his grandmother. She was 104 and left an amazing legacy. 2017 has been a ride, that’s for sure. I spoke at quite a few churches in the first part of 2017, and I was having the time of my life. There is nothing in the world like doing what God called you to do! Whatever that may be…
I’m realizing more and more that while His call can seem unconventional, it is also unchanging. Through every season of highs and lows His plan for us is sacred, and He is patient in bringing it to pass. I, on the other hand, am not as patient. I’m human and full of insecurities. I’m not immovable, but I’m held in His arms, and while I’m unsure, I am fully confident in His perfect love.
From the Ruins is a part of my very heartbeat. I didn’t understand it when everything seemed to slow down. I couldn’t grasp why the vision wasn’t coming to pass. I didn’t get why what once seemed to be moving so rapidly had stopped so abruptly. Again I’m reminded that, while I can be confident in His plan for me, I won’t always understand His methods or His timing. He’s working things out in me, and this season has revealed just how much of me needs work!
I’ve missed Christiano terribly in this season. I think while I’m ministering to hurting people and being used to share our story, I can, at least, see a purpose in my pain. But, in the stillness, I often wonder if good will ever come out of this. My heart cries for God to be glorified completely in my life and in my son’s death and resurrection. Sometimes the fog is so thick, especially in the season of waiting.
However, I’m so sure, so certain – even in this time of uncertainty, that God is working it all out. There is a peace that passes my understanding and quiets the chaos within me. A peace that knows I’m right where I need to be – for such a time is this. God has continued to use me in ways I can’t often see until much later. He’s continued to keep me disciplined and consistent in this shaky time.
And, somehow, I’m excited for what’s next… because waiting isn’t stopping.
In just a few weeks, I’ll be saying goodbye to Saint Raphael’s. On January 2nd, I will be brought on full time at Faith Christian Center. God knew this was coming and that other things had to take a back seat while I was working two jobs and partnering with my husband to run a home and a youth ministry.
However, I’m feeling such a divine shift in my momentum. I’m excited about all that’s coming down the pike! I’ve picked up my book again, and I’ve got a new fervor to get it done. “I may be weak, but Your spirits strong in me. My flesh may fail, but, my God, You never will.” When I am weak HE is strong in ME! And, on that note, I want to share what’s on my heart for Project Stand in The Gap. There are two families on my heart this year. Both without at least one parent this Christmas. One with multiple children and one with just one. Will you stand in the gap with me again this Christmas and give to these families? One thing my heart can never ever shy away from – even in the craziness of life and grieving – is helping those in need. It’s who I am because of God who is in me. I’d love to bless these two families with an amazing Christmas. If you would like to get involved, please head over to my website and donate. Here is the link:
Also, if you know a family experiencing grief this Christmas, please let me know. Last year, we were able to bless eight families with a beautiful Christmas. Let’s do this again!