When your life call isn’t popular…
It’s lonely, sometimes. Grief, sadness, brokenness, loss… people don’t necessarily embrace these difficult life situations with open arms. Very few are willing to climb into the pit of someone else’s pain.
I understand. I wasn’t either before losing my son. But, you see, God is now using our pain to help others in pain. It gets lonely, though. It gets hard. It stirs up the heartache that is still deep within each of us.
Sometimes… ok LOTS of times, I wish this wasn’t my life. I wish my son was still here and I could have a different life calling; a prettier mission. As I scroll through Instagram and see the amazing work that so many women are doing for Christ, I get excited! It makes me want to jump on board with what they are doing! I want to have encouraging word pictures and feature all the good things in life, too. (Sometimes, I do) I want to post a current family photo with all six of my family members, but the only ones that will have all of us are over three years old.
Sometimes, my life call feels so second best. I always knew God was calling me to write, but I never imagined my book including child loss. God has equipped me to speak, but I never thought I’d be sharing from the ruins of grief. I always knew we’d serve together as a family, but never expected every picture, every event, every day would be minus one. I knew I would minister to many people, however, I didn’t think it would be out of a place of tragedy. It’s not popular; grief, pain, suffering – people run from that stuff. Sometimes, I want to run from my own stuff! I feel a heavy burden for other people. We leave our grief classes so drained, sometimes. We feel so hard for others.
But, at the end of each day, God so faithfully reminds me that this is what I was made for. He gently whispers that I’m not alone because He is with me. This is exactly what God has for me to do. He fills me with His peace, and, ultimately, He fills me with Himself.
However, sometimes, I do crave the tangibility of a partner in this ministry. Non-profit work is FULL TIME if it’s being done right. My husband helps where he can, and thank God for Gabriella. She hates the word grief, but she comes in clutch for me anytime I need her! She has cared for the children at every grief session we’ve ever had, she wrapped endless gifts for our Christmas project, Stand in the Gap, and she even went with me on many deliveries! She is impacting young people for Christ. One little girl, that we brought gifts to, named her brand new baby doll after Gabriella. She is light in the darkness for me and so many. My boys are a blessing, too! They pick up extra chores so that I can get it all done, and they help me with behind the scenes stuff. I’m so grateful for my family.
Sometimes, I get frustrated when it feels like things aren’t moving faster. I’m like ‘Lord, maybe if my mission was happier or easier, more people would be interested.’ (Yes, I really question God once in awhile and try to negotiate with Him.) But, then He shows me something to remind me. He will bring a testimony to mind, or use someone to send a text or respond to a blog at just the right time. At our special grief class, ‘Grief and the Holidays,’ THIRTY-SEVEN people came out! I was so rejuvenated and encouraged knowing that there is a deep need for our ministry. People tell us that all the time, but once in awhile you need to see the fruit of that. And, praise God, we do.
Ultimately, I only want to do what God has for me to do. Popular or unpopular, lonely or surrounded, I just want to go where He is leading me. It is imperative to ask the Lord to break our hearts for what breaks His. Lisa Harper once said, ‘The real tragedy is not to have a broken heart, but to have a heart that is unbreakable.’ In order to be effective Christians, we must purpose ourselves to have the mind and heart of Christ.
Jesus would never walk by someone who is hurting or try to avoid a messy situation. He is a comforter and a counselor, the very lifter of our heads; and I need Him so desperately – every minute of every day.
Whatever your life call is, whatever mission God has given you – don’t grow weary in well doing for a harvest is coming. I remember when I was a stay at home mom, and all I wanted to do was serve people. God gently revealed to me that I was doing exactly that… maybe it wasn’t as glamorous as I thought it should be, but I look at my kids now – and WOW! I think they’re pretty amazing human beings! I’m so grateful that God kept me going in the days that seemed so long and the seasons that felt never ending.
This scripture comes to mind when I think about days past and present…
‘Do not despise these small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin…’ Zechariah 4:10a
Don’t give up! Even when your life call feels unpopular and lonely. There is a God who will go before you, and He will never leave you.