I haven’t even been able to look at this with our crying, never mind share about it. My Mother’s Day gift, from Christiano. A poem from the heart. The real deal, raw, and transparent kind of poem. The kind that means so much; the kind you want to talk out with the author after it has been written; the kind where you both cry and embrace one another – because in that intimate moment, you are both unwaveringly and absolutely sure that each of you know exactly how much you are loved by the other.
The moment a mother longs to have with her young adult son; the moment when he says, ‘Whether we agree on everything or not, I know that everything you do is out of pure love for me.’ But, this gift; this poem – it didn’t come with a moment like that. But, it came.
It came out of love from my husband. It came from the heart of young boy who loved his mother so much that he wrote poetry to her. Probably after a disagreement or a fight. Because, as much as I hate to think about it – we fought. I fought for him and he fought back. I fought to guide him, to protect him, to keep him. All because I loved him. Did he truly know how much? That is a question that nags at me daily; one that I try to push out, but cannot seem to push had enough or far enough. It always comes back. I KNOW that I KNOW that my beautiful boy loved me with every ounce of his being. And, when I see this gift from him; these words straight from his heart, I feel joy and pain altogether, once again. I feel joy that my son took time to type these words in his private computer, but I feel pain that we didn’t agree on much. Or, that he thought he drove me crazy. I want to tell him that’s not the case; that I always only wanted what was best for him.
But, in reality, I never got to tell him so many things that my heart wants to say. I told him I loved him every day. I told him I was proud of him. I told him what I saw in him. But, I also told him what I didn’t see and what I wanted to see. I wanted him to be better – better than me and better than Chris. But, what I didn’t tell him was that he already was. So much better than me. So much better than Chris. His heart was truly the most beautiful I’d ever known and I love him more than anything seen…
|This was a poem that Christiano typed for me in his laptop, but never gave to me.
Chris gave it to me for Mother’s Day. That is his real signature from a paper
he wrote for school.