I am Christiano’s mother, and Christiano is no longer with us; therefore, I am a grieving mother.
For most of my life the odds have been against me. Statistically speaking, I should be an absolute wrecking ball. All that society has told us about children who come from a fatherless home and live below the financial median is enough to count me out. Add unwed pregnant teenager and high school drop out to my resume, and forget about it. Throw in married at eighteen, and four children by twenty-three in there, you might as well call me doomed, or call me labeled.
But, that’s not at all how it’s been. Those labels have never stood a chance. Every irresponsible choice I have ever made, along with everything that has been thrown at me, have not been allowed the power to overtake or define me. Why? Because the grace and mercy of God has kept me and pushed me to overcome. My strength and determination to beat every odd, blast every statistic, and shred every label has come from God. Graciously, He provided me a way out of the life I knew before Him. He has established me and my household, and He has provided all that we need. He removed every stronghold and shredded every label that I had been wearing. He made me brand new, and for fifteen years my life was beautiful.
But, on October 24, 2013 that beautiful life came crumbling down around me, when my eighteen year old son died in a fatal car accident. I never thought this could happen to us, and who does, really? My husband and I had been through so much in our young lives, but it seemed as though life was smooth sailing now. We love and worship God, we love and respect one another, and we love and adore our children. We look at parenting as our highest calling from God, right after knowing Him. We didn’t understand how this could be happening; how this could be our reality. How did we go from loving parents to grieving parents in a matter of minutes? And, how could we avoid it? How could we change it? How could we go back? We couldn’t. There wasn’t a way for us to undo what has been done. And, now we would have no other choice, but to live with it. Chris was now a grieving father and I was a grieving mother – forever.
This is a label I will have to wear for ever. I will always be Christiano’s mom, therefore I will always be grieving him. If you knew my son at all, you’d understand that it is impossible not to yearn for him in some way. Just to hear his laugh or to see his smile; to have him listen to your story or tell you one of his; to lay your head on his chest and be held by him. These were all such gifts, and I grieve them, too. With The Lord’s help, I can overcome the statistics and beat the odds that grieving mothers face; such as: long lasting health problems, severe depression, sleep disorder, disruption or failure of marriage, inability to love my other children, eating disorders, suicide, etc. But, I will never be rid of the label ‘grieving mother.’ Why?
Because I am Christiano’s mother, and Christiano is no longer with us; therefore, I am a grieving mother – until I meet with him again and remain with him for all eternity. And, I look forward to a life where there will be no labels, and all we will be is children of God.
‘ And regarding the question, friends, that has come up about what happens to those already dead and buried, we don’t want you in the dark any longer. First off, you must not carry on over them like people who have nothing to look forward to, as if the grave were the last word. Since Jesus died and broke loose from the grave, God will most certainly bring back to life those who died in Jesus.’
1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 MSG